Over the Top
by ilovebotdf111
Summary: A convict plans a daring escape to uncover the answer of an ultimate truth.


Over the Top

Whoever said that a man makes a continuous amount of sperm throughout his lifetime is a goddam liar.

But anyway, I gotta shit! I looked frantically around the prison walls, desperately trying to find a bathroom that didn't smell like

Shit! I just shit! Oh well, we all smelled like shit in this jail of a prison. As I cleaned up my ass the bell rang for breakfast, and man was I starving. It felt like I shit my stomach out, which upon further inspection I came to the realization that I did. But no matter, I had no need for such trifling organs such as that.

We all made our way to the mess hall. I got my breakfast and sat down with my gay friends who were jacking off under the table. Luckily, the prison cooks were gracious enough to hand out a free raping with the meal. My day started badly but luckily things were looking up.

I don't remember much after breakfast because I assume I was too busy "smuggling" dicks up my asshole in the showers, but then again, I don't really remember. One thing's for sure, I came. But anyway, after having tons of gay sex, I was called down to the Warden's office for some reason, and I had a bad feeling that I was about to get fucked oops I mean find out. Maybe both hey honestly I wouldn't mind ;-)

When I stepped into the Warden's office I was thoroughly tazed and beaten, and then I was searched in my anal cavity for contraband. The only thing they found was a machete which they then used to cut my penis off. I didn't mind, as I was sick of being just another number. Now I was more important.

Sadly they gorilla glued it back on and it won't stop growing it's weird like is that supposed to happen? Finally I sat down in front of the Warden's desk.

The Warden looked at me. "John, what a pleasant surprise this is," he said smugly while shoving a pen up his urethra. I also don't understand why it was such a surprise as he's the one that requested my presence but hey, I'm not a scholar. "I take it you're wondering why you're here?" the Warden asked. Actually, the joke was on him because I was actually wondering why my parents didn't allow me to finish my education.

But I humored him and nodded, to which he responded "I'M CUMMING".

I left the office having found out that the only reason he called me up there was because he has some weird fetish for me or something and that was literally the only reason my presence was requested. I was escorted back to my cell and was sedated, searched, and sterilized (no condoms ;-) lol). The recent events may have disturbed some other people, but I was different. I didn't care. I was more fixated on why my parents refused to allow me to complete my education. I needed to find out, and fast.

Chapter 2: Fucking Shit

That night, I planned my escape. Luckily I was very well liked in the prison because I had the loosest ass in the entire county. After delivering many sexual favors I acquired a gun but I had to shit!

I sprinted to the restroom during free time and shit turds out of my asshole. While I was shitting I saw something carved into the stall. It read: _This is the suicide note of Foo-King Debois. If you are reading this, there isn't much time. I fear someone is trying to kill me, as they are after my prized possession: My calk. Someone please send help before I wind up dead. Goodbye cruel world! _

I remember ol' Foo-King. He was an idiot but damn he had a sweet calk. He was always afraid of dying but for some reason he killed himself, and it was a great way to go: death by calk.

After I was done shitting I launched an uprising. I won't bore you with the details but no one died except every other prisoner so it was very counter-intuitive for my escape.

Chapter 3: Hair in Weird Places

During the investigation the guards came across the suicide note of ol' Foo-King, and they put two-and-two together and came up with the surprisingly logical explanation that it was his ghost that staged the uprising. Since I was the only surviving prisoner in the facility they no longer had a need for my punishment and I was sentenced to .13 years of community service. I would have served it but I got lost on the side of the road and started to cry.

Luckily a Good Samaritan gave me a ride to town and put me in a sex dungeon where I spent the next 2 years of my life. After the SWAT stormed his house and were persuaded to join in on my fuckings, I was released from the dungeon on the grounds of good behavior. I honestly had a pretty decent time.

Using a variety of map software like a map I was able to pinpoint where I used to live. It wasn't hard to find because I used to live there. I was sure that my mom was inside, making biscuits and stew. I rang the doorbell and surprised my mom, who started to cry and tell me to leave. Turns out she wasn't my mom, but her gay lover, and I really gave her a fright. After everyone settled down I asked my mom why I didn't Finnish my education, and her explanation was brief: She wanted me to be a porn star.

With that in mind I simply couldn't argue with her solid logic and I went on to read many erotic novels and I enjoyed my life for the better. Too bad I later went on to become the main character in ilovebotdf111's fanfic _The Night I lied _jesus talk about a twist ending lol.


End file.
